New normal.
This weekend we had a milestone (SMALL, socially distanced & appropo) party to celebrate my dad.
It was my first social experience in a lot (too many) months where people hadn’t seen my newer fitter figure paired with the post brain surgery self. It’s weird. “you look great” (excitedly) with the “how are you” concern (pity) opener. To be honest, I’d rather pluck my pubes one by one as opposed to having that be the cocktail party chatter. What happened to talking about the weather or the global pandemic?
No, seriously - talk to me about my cancelled trips Mashpee, Gulf Shores, Bentonville & Disney. Talking about my physical self, makes me HYPER aware of the lingering numbness, paralysis & parenthesis of my face. Instead of carefully focusing on speaking as all post 1991/1992 friends, family & acquaintances know me to sound, I’m distracted and most likely just bit the SHIT out of my left cheek and corner of my lips. Now I have to act natural because if I ask like I just had a mental fart or the like - people tend to panic. Then we’re all uncomfortable.
There was a photographer at this party. I’m thankful for that. For a lot of reasons. I was playing that part of party hostess/coordinator/event manager & do my very best at fading into the background. To the point where I missed greeting, talking & visiting with some people I like very much.
Back to the pictures. For most of my life my dad has been the one with the Minolta, Nikon, Canon & now iPhone in his hands - so to have him in the picture and if he is, NOT giving direction while the picture is taken is a real delight.
In July - we had a “in case I die” photoshoot (is it a photoshoot? we’re not models, but we were made up & doing things that appeared natural but were totally staged so, yes?). I did this for a lot of reasons. The biggest, most basic me reason? I wanted my family to have some nice non IG/FB selfie style recent snaps that would be good for the service program & prayer cards. I know. Morbid.
There is something super sunshiney that came out of that. Now that we’re on the other side, we’re all now really dialed in to making & capturing memories and moments. Not just for the perfect cover banner collage on the Facebook, but to fill our homes, walls, offices & messages and ultimately our hearts & minds with these snippets of memories.
The photog at the party was kind, unassuming. They took some very interesting pictures. One specifically very clearly of a bush/tree we have with the people blurry in the background. An artistic choice to say the least.
There are a few of me.
My first real full on photos. Not super done up - but my eyebrows were faked symmetrically, so I should call it a win.
Alas, it is a loss. My smile is inhibited by the trauma of the summer, the pandemic, summer coming to an end - ALL of it. While in the moment, it felt normal, genuine, very me. The photographic proof that all is NOT back to normal.
